Elclusterfuckra'

So a series of events have been going on in my life, as of late, to lead me to believe that it is the solstice of the winter moon shades over the horizon with pluto...


Everything that is electronic in my life is giving me little rapes. little baby rapes.....every day.....just like...meh..a hundred little papercuts . you would rather just have the big gaping gash on your fat face, but ....no......
1. First of all, my phone keeps "ass dialing" people. Not just any people. For some reason my ass has taken on the persona of a 12 year old boy, and thinks it is funny to prank call people at the worst. times. ever.

Example A. 
So I am in this bar, and I am in the bathroom, taking a little nap.

and see

posted on the stall

In my drunken state I slur out "jeesrer thris lokser liker a gooop idea." I may neerd a goop lower onrern day"


So, in to the phone he goes.


What my butt does with this information, is it DIALS THIS MAN EVERY TIME I AM SHITHEAD WASTED ...
So this random Lawyer has ...I am guessing.....30 messages ....which means....he has me saying "your mom" approx. 239 times, about 30 minutes of me picking my nose 7 laughter turned snortings, and probably enough drunken garlblrish to make him not want to call me because he assumes that I am not from this continent. 

is your air conditioner running?
Yes?
Well...then I bet you are nice and cool then. Have a good day. * hangs up*

moving on...

FACEBOOK

So I am instant messaging with a few people on Facebook, , and I happen to ramble something off along the lines of "o? your a virgin? I am going to make sex with you in your mother's bed" Or something of that nature.

My facebook decides to join in on the gangbang and send everything that I say to one person, to everyone that I am speaking to.
( about three different people)

Me: " I want to sex you in the face!"

Some Man: " But...I am a virgin."

Me: "Your mother's bed it is!"

Mom; " who's face?"