Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Last night.
Drunk/ 3 AM 

Lets just call my friend "Juan Octavio Ramores de la cuerpo Fernando"
We were ordering from the drive through at Mcdonalds. 

Mc Donalds Lady: "What do you want? "

Juan Octavio Ramores de la cuerpo Fernando-  "I want french fries and a coke," He turns to me " you?"

Me.: "I want...........ONE OF EVERYTHING "

Mcdonalds lady: ( silence)

Me:( to the Mcdonalds lady)  " WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?"

Mcdonalds lady ( silence)

Me: " I will take three sweet and sour sauces, fifteen packets of ketchup, a glass of water, a stack of napkins, a salt packet and your hat."

Monday, December 27, 2010

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I am really happy for all of you who spend Christmas with your significant other.

Really, being a single girl is a lot of fun!

I get to......

Get drunk
re-organize my house...while being drunk
go running

Just today I watched an educational "true life I am obese" Episode.

Friday, December 24, 2010

So this morning I stumble downstairs.

YAY! Still leftovers from last night!

Cheese and tortillas!!

...wait......Do you or do you not eat cheese that has been sitting out all night.

i ate it.

dont judge.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Babyotter Vs/ The TV

As many of you know, I moved in with Rapey Doug. Who might I add is not Rapey...although I am not aware of what he does when he is not in my company, possibly he is away for raping purposes.

Anyway, He has this "entertainment system"

I decided I wanted to watch TV

"ON" I shout


Ok....Ill just  try one of these remotes....

After pressing the ON button on ALL 13 of the remotes...still nothing happens.

So I go to the users manual .

After taking a time machine to the 80's to find a computer programmer to decode binary,I solve the calculus problem directed from the code. and my brain blows up.

THe end

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Your Loooove life for the next follows...part deaux

There are many reasons to hate the holidays. One reason not to, Is I have the ability to predict how much you are going to slut it up next year.

Once again, it is time for:
Your Love LIFE for the next year..As follows: 

You meet him at a party, HA ! what a fun loving crazy....
 ahhem.....moving on....

What a great spring with him.

So mysterious....
Never knew quite what he did for work

or where he would leave to in the middle of the night....

p.s. He is drinking cow piss


The End.

Its going to be that kind of year.

Monday, December 20, 2010

So, I was a little bored this morning...
I decided to give up my all meat diet, because I was starting to smell like I decided to make really really bad t shirt designs.Basically the Worst Designed Shirts ever...ever...EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O, and I get I believe......   .05% commission off every sale, so really....don't do me any favors....O....ThanKYOU FOR THE 25 Cents! YOU must BE a SulTAN!

Monday, December 13, 2010

the slow digression of my bad mood

Starts out last night.

I decide to go for a run.
Sounds great.
Would have been great if a. I was dressed warmer and b. I wasn't drunk

Ended up falling on my face.

 Get into bed and turn the heater a roasting 72 degrees. PARDON ME! SIR!

my roomate decides that I am trying to ROAST him AlivE.

and turns the AC ON TO  62 DEGREES. ( mind you, it is 27 degrees outside. )

So I am like...fuck this!

And I turn it down to 60 Degrees.

And he was all like....shit on you you fat ass! as he turns it down to 58 degrees

and I am like oh ya? well I am just going to freeze my ass off all night because I have a blow up bed to sleep on on the floor with only a sheet,  and you have a comfy king size bed with 30 Down blankets, a girlfriend and fifty dogs to sleep with. Take that bioooootch!

well done. i WIN!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Last nigt.....oh you....silly thing...

Last night started out friendly enough.


*side note * see....this is what happens...I have one single glass of vodka and the world decides to fake its own death.

after the said glass, I turn around and of course my ex is there. I specifically went to this place because I KNEW he was not going to be there. maybe he had the same' Idea was simple...Get more booze....yes...yes this will work

I will explain the rest of my night with math

                                                                             PLUS EX BOYFRIEND

                                                               TIMES X EVERYONE LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

                                                                         MINUS MY CONCEPT OF REALITY

                                                                       EQUALS =

                                                                     Walk of shame

 *side note....The walk of shame ended leaving my own home by myself....
I just do it out of habit ....

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Friday, December 3, 2010

So, it has come to my attention that we are now having two new dogs live with us.

Our apartment is the size of a skittle.

Wait, it gets worse.

I appairently drunkenly slurred out of my face one night that I would "take care " of said dog....s

is this how you do it?

I will no longer have an apartment. Just a moving hairy annoying floor that craps everywhere. F*uck you boozE!

p.s. I am drinking a beer

p.p.s it is three in the afternoon.

On a positive note...When I pass out on the floor they wont be able to write on my face with sharpies.

....they have no hands.

they have paws

four of them.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010