Let me make this clear...

NO

NO

                      NO

NO

NO

                           NO

                                                               

   NOT ANYMORE

NO

NO

NO

NO

you know.....

TIme to clean up the ol' desktop, once again. here are some of my random "hey, maybe I will use that for something, then later realize that I will never use them for anything pictures.
enjoY!

pinkkkk lahdy rhide' ! sup!

* face palm *

Elclusterfuckra'

So a series of events have been going on in my life, as of late, to lead me to believe that it is the solstice of the winter moon shades over the horizon with pluto...


Everything that is electronic in my life is giving me little rapes. little baby rapes.....every day.....just like...meh..a hundred little papercuts . you would rather just have the big gaping gash on your fat face, but ....no......
1. First of all, my phone keeps "ass dialing" people. Not just any people. For some reason my ass has taken on the persona of a 12 year old boy, and thinks it is funny to prank call people at the worst. times. ever.

Example A. 
So I am in this bar, and I am in the bathroom, taking a little nap.

and see

posted on the stall

In my drunken state I slur out "jeesrer thris lokser liker a gooop idea." I may neerd a goop lower onrern day"


So, in to the phone he goes.


What my butt does with this information, is it DIALS THIS MAN EVERY TIME I AM SHITHEAD WASTED ...
So this random Lawyer has ...I am guessing.....30 messages ....which means....he has me saying "your mom" approx. 239 times, about 30 minutes of me picking my nose 7 laughter turned snortings, and probably enough drunken garlblrish to make him not want to call me because he assumes that I am not from this continent. 

is your air conditioner running?
Yes?
Well...then I bet you are nice and cool then. Have a good day. * hangs up*

moving on...

FACEBOOK

So I am instant messaging with a few people on Facebook, , and I happen to ramble something off along the lines of "o? your a virgin? I am going to make sex with you in your mother's bed" Or something of that nature.

My facebook decides to join in on the gangbang and send everything that I say to one person, to everyone that I am speaking to.
( about three different people)

Me: " I want to sex you in the face!"

Some Man: " But...I am a virgin."

Me: "Your mother's bed it is!"

Mom; " who's face?"

Your sex life for the next year as follows (part deaux)

Ah....Kile Kirkland Kramer, You met him at the "sawdust" festival in Laguna Beach. This is the only reminder that you had that one night of .....
" " " " " " pleasure " " " " " " " ' "

psssssssst .....He has a vagina.

um......

You met him at the " jews and brews" networking event your friend dragged you to last weekend.
you thought to yourself....meh......maybe lawyers DO care about justice.

Too bad it ended  one drunken night when you hired him to sue himself.....

Which he did...   and lost.


Moving on;

They mistook your upper lip Jager stain for a mustache.

nuff said.

Met him on a beautiful island in Bali.
He was so cool, and down to earth....laid back.....chill....

Too bad when you got him home to San Diego, he was just a broke, stoner.

Nice Futon

PAAAANNNDA

I am drunk.